A Novel – In One Page Per Day
Day 177, Tuesday
June 26th, 2018
Chapter Two: Doubt
As a child Kathy was composed, especially around strangers, in public, in social settings. She carried herself with confidence and intentionality.
Kathy always acted with poise and purpose. This unnerved her parents when she was a small child. As she grew older they came to rely on it.
There was not a person who observed her in these settings that did not mark her affect as unusual. Most people were delighted in the strange unusually confident child. A few, the more observant, they were disturbed by it.
Kathy was beset by fears, not just for herself, but for her parents as well. The poise that she exuded was just a mask. She could keep it up for hours, even days if needed, but it was a ploy to hide the raging doubt inside of her.
As she matured, when in public, she became paralyzed by insecurity, she would freeze, become silent, and withdraw into herself.
Am I insane, she thought, who am I, am I alone, why am I alone, how can it be that there is no-one else like me anywhere in the world?
The answers she gleaned shook her to the core. They confirmed for her that she was alone.
There had never been another like her.
She searched her ancestral memories for evidence of the contrary, but she could find nothing, the voices grew silent.
She searched the cynergenic field for someone who could help her, and again there was nothing, or next to nothing.
There was only a vague impression of a teacher, a priest, a shaman, a person who had guided her ancestors into the distant past, but they were not present to her now.
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